Note to Self: Friendships are Important!

1D721952-096E-494D-9A7D-A93D1591B4B0Robin, I know that you have been through a lot in life. You have carried weights and burdens that could have killed you or least kept you down, but you have stayed afloat. Now you find yourself rising to higher heights in God, in Peace, in Joy, and Understanding. On your 32 years on earth, you spent several of them away from God. Although, He was never away from you; it was your friendships that got you through. When you did not talk to Him, your friends were there to listen.  Friendships are so important. May you always cherish them and water them, so that they may continue to grow.

In one of my blog post, I talked about how when I was at the suicidal point in my life that no one understood me, not even my friends. At the time and looking back, I still believe that to be true. But what I must also recognize is that even though they might not have understood me, my friends were still there.

Today, I saw a picture of an old friend and it tore me up inside. I have grappled with these feelings for years, but today I had to really sit with myself and figure out what the problem was. We’ve made amends, I’ve apologized for the pain I caused, I’ve accepted the imperfection of our friendship. But something inside me was still aching and I realized that although an amends was made, a big part of who I am, was missing.

There was a point in my life that God did not exist in my life and that was from the age of 11 to about 19. During that time, I begin to create MY idea of myself, as many of us did. And unfortunately, at that sensitive time in our lives many of us create our image based on our negative experiences and other people’s ideas of who we are and not truly what WE THINK of ourselves. During this very important stage in my life, our lives were nearly one in the same. We were side by side when I was a total young mess living my life to the best of my young ability. I made a lot of mistakes and she felt the deep pain of some of them.

As I was developing, so was she. And she found herself in new circles with new people and it was beautiful. She had developed a very positive self-image. I, on the other hand, had not. I continued to do the same old thing expecting different results, but even still I had friends who were there for me.

God had sent me a really good friend in the time I needed it the most. I felt so low and didn’t see much worth in myself, but she did. She spoke life over me just as God does and I can honestly say because of her I made it through my high school years. She was my support system. Without her, I would have fallen at such a sensitive time and I am not sure if I would have gotten back up.

Becoming moms at the tender age of 21, our friendship unfortunately, took a hit, but I was able to stand more confident in myself because of her.

When my friends had gone off to be young moms themselves, my family was there by my side. They say cousins are your first best friends and I believe this to be true. My sister and my cousin helped me find my way through being a new mom. They were there for me during this very difficult time in my life, so I didn’t have go at it alone. They stayed by my side helping me navigate my new life.

God has blessed me with some really incredible friends along my way. He blessed me with my first childhood friend/my baby sister who outgrew me :), but will always be a part of my core because we raised our little selves together from children to young women. He blessed me with my savior friend that lifted me up until I could finally stand to love myself just a little. And He blessed me with my friends from birth whom are my family.

I recognize that none of these relationships may have been perfect and each of us different in our own ways, but friends are lighthouses along life’s path to keep us on our journey. They are there to bring joy, love, and peace to our hearts and us to theirs. We learn with them and grow with them. And sometimes, they may not be forever friends, but the importance of their role in your life cannot be minimized. The friendship undoubtedly shaped you. Be thankful for the good and appreciate the bad because LIFE happens in both!

There was a time in my young life that I didn’t understand the value of friendship, but I finally understand it. There was a time in my life that I had let the bad experiences of a friendship outweigh the good. Today, I am going to reclaim the bad experiences and transform them for good because without them I would not be the person that I am. And I absolutely love me because I have forgiven myself for my past mistakes.

So, today I want to say thank you to all my cousinsisterfriends along the way that pulled me up and never let me drown. May blessings overflow your life!

In Jesus’ Name

Amen!

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