Note to Self: Rainy Days

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September 2018

Note to Self: Robin, I know its supposed to be a lazy Sunday, your bed is nice and comfy, and all you want to do is Netflix and Chill by yourself all day, but you have things to do. Get up, get out the bed, and get to it. You know, that if you do not check these things off of your to do list today, you will be feeling some type of way tomorrow. I suggest you get up now!

Here it is Tuesday and boy was I right. I am feeling some type of way and I wish I had written this note to self before today. I still did not check the necessary things off of my to do list and I am paying for it. Although, I was able to get through Sunday without feeling bad because I binged watched a really good show called Ingobernable. Also, I made sure I took care of a few household things after I had put my children to sleep, so I was good. However, the mistakes of my actions on Sunday hit me when I woke up Monday morning to this cold Fall weather. I don’t know about you, but something about the cold weather just sends me into a state of ugh and add to that,  my lack of follow through. It is a sure fire recipe for negative emotions that look like not wanting to do anything around the house, wanting to lay in bed, and of course thinking about the ways in which I am just a horrible person.

Unfortunately, for me and everyone like me, the weather was worse today. Mother nature decided to add some rain and some gloom, so I’m just in my own world feeling cold, dark, and gloomy.  Also, I still haven’t checked that thing off my to do list. I mean how am I supposed to get anything done between my children and work?

The real real is that I could have already checked that thing off, but unfortunately, I lost the motivation to do it somewhere along the way. So, now I am here just wallowing in my despair.

The upside is that after having been through this battle so many times before, I know that this too shall pass and it truly will. I also can determine now, from going through the battle, the cause of despair; one being out of my control and the second totally in it. Had I forced myself to make the right choice from the beginning, I would not be swimming in this pool of negative emotions right now. However, sometimes its just not that easy for people like you and me. What I have come to realize about myself is that I some times lack discipline and that I some times hate doing things that I HAVE to do. I guess you can call me lazy (let’s wrap this blog up, we’ve figured it out), but the truth of that matter is I have a lot on my plate and I can only do so much. In a world that is moving so fast, I have to move at a pace that works for me and if that means dropping the ball sometimes then so be it. Just know that I will always continue to pick the ball back up until I master my game and I know that you will too.

In life there will be trial and error, highs and lows, losses and wins. They are lessons for growth and for healing. As long as you continue to desire to grow and to heal, you will indeed grow and heal. I am still growing and healing myself, but I know that with time I will be like the sun and shine forever.

I aspire to be all things good, all things kind, and loving, so my journey may not look like everyone else’s and that’s okay. We are not made to blend in, we are each made to stand out like God intended.

So be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself, because YOU are important.

With love,

Robin

*If you are in need of speaking with a specialist, I encourage you to do so.

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